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Blowjobs. Thirst traps. Racks and booty cutters. Words you don’t expect to come out of your mommy mouth. Words you may think shouldn’t be part of your mommy vernacular. This is no time to get shy or G rated about rated R things. When you’re the mom of grown sons, you have to speak the language of their peers and the language they understand. If you’re going to reach them, you have to speak their language.

My sons are ages 25, 22 and 20. They’re handsome, at times socially awkward but the ladies have their eyes on them and they have their eyes on the ladies. I use “ladies” loosely. There are girls who will pursue your sons with the precision of a skilled marksman, using every thirst artillery possible. If you don’t stay in your sons ears about how to navigate the thirst traps of the world and their busy hormones, you will deprive your son of the wisdom he needs to succeed emotional and spiritually.

Provide an emotionally safe atmosphere free of judgement

Growing up, the only thing my mom told me about sex was don’t do it, and it’s a sin. I don’t ever remember having a conversation about sex or anything pertaining to sex. It was just understood that a Christian girl doesn’t have sex until she’s married. I ended up having my oldest son at age 16. So yeah.

I don’t blame my mom for my poor choices, but I honestly believe if I’d had more information and wisdom from her pertaining to sex, if I were free to have those uncomfortable sex-related conversations with her, it would’ve given me the freedom to make better choices. Information and a free, loving atmosphere can be a great foundation to help your sons make better choices about girls and sex. Give them something sound to balance with the warped info they’re fed through popular music, movies and from their thirsty male friends.

Help him to value a woman’s heart over her body

Talk to your sons about falling in love with a woman’s heart not her body. Girls are posting practicality naked pics of themselves on Instagram and Snapchat. They unfortunately believe their greatest assets are their boobs, booties and tongue rings. How do you get your sons to see beyond the breasts and promises of a mind blowing blowjob? You talk openly about breasts, booty flosses and the power of a blowjob. (Yes moms, you have to say blowjobs. If you’re not sure what that is, do NOT google it. Ask a friend.) Tell your son just because she gives good head (another word for blowjobs) doesn’t mean she has a good head on her shoulders; it doesn’t mean her heart isn’t underdeveloped and her values are non-existed or deeply buried in her desire for attention. Like a crack or meth dealer, they’ll do anything to get your son hooked. Help him not to be a slave to the booty or a blowjob.

Assure him sexual conquest doesn’t make him a man

Remind him that sexual conquest is not an achievement. Any dude with two dollars and a sandwich can get sex. Teach your son to value a woman’s heart, her wit, her passion about life and her love of humanity. That is a woman worth finding, keeping and loving. Remind him there’s nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman, and when God tells us to wait till marriage, he isn’t trying to do away with our fun but he’s rather trying to preserve our hearts and our lives

You can give your son pop culture’s take on sex, but as parents, we’re held accountable for the information we give our kids. We are to train them in the way they should go and when they’re older they can reflect on what’s right, make decisions based on what’s right, be able to decipher what’s wrong because they’ve been taught what’s right. But if we don’t tell them what’s right, how will they know what’s wrong?

Know that your perspective as a mom is important

So sit down with your son. Take interest in his life, his social life, his dating life. It may feel awkward at first because somehow we’ve been led to believe that as parents, especially as moms, that our job is done when they turn 18. This is a myth. Our sons need our wisdom, perspectives and presence. They need to know and understand that women are not sexual objects but living, breathing humans with hearts, souls, purposes and values. Even if girls don’t value themselves, it is our responsibility to teach our sons from childhood how to value women. So talk to your son about sex, his personal struggles with navigating all the mixed messages of sex, social media and dispel popular sex myths.

Remind him there’s nothing trendy about lies, truth is more liberating

Whatever you share with him, if it’s not grounded in the love and will of God, you’re failing your son as a parent. You may think that the Bible is old school and not realistic, but the word of God is never obsolete. Thirst traps and sex are nothing new, neither are lies. There’s nothing trendy about lies. They’ve been around centuries. But the word of God is more powerfu and liberating than any lie told or repeated. God’s word is┬átimeless, and it doesn’t change. More importantly, your son being in the will of God is the safest place he can be. So start with a conversation about IG, and while looking through those thirsty pics, have a real conversation about sex and keep it 100.