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1. You have 50 pairs of shoes and zero self respect.

You’re up on the latest styles and trends, but you fail to realize material possessions shouldn’t define you. You do whatever it takes to have things but refuse to see that things already have you and that you’re a slave to all the things that don’t matter. Your whole sense of self is rooted in who you’re wearing and not who you are. It’s okay to have nice things, but it’s not okay for nice things to have you. Your identity shouldn’t be rooted in fleeting fads. It should be firmly grounded in values that are timeless; values that never go out of style.

2. You think a man’s job is to complete the incomplete you.

You jump from one relationship to the next because you can’t stand being alone. But somehow you think he’ll enjoy being with you when you clearly can’t stand being with you. You think a man’s job is to make you whole. His job, you believe, is to fix the broken you. But what you fail to see is that you only attract who you are. So you end up meeting a lot of broken men with more issues than Kleenex has tissues. When your relationships fail, which they always do, you say all men are dogs. But if they’re all dogs and you’re attracting them, what does that say about your actions? Take some time to be good to yourself. Take time to heal and be whole, and one day, you’ll actually meet a grown man because you would’ve grown.

3. You value romance over friendship.

You’re ready to jump into bed with him because he’s hot and because he says he wants you. You’re ready to give him your heart and soul before you even realize what kind of person he is. You’ve watched too many romantic comedies and you actually believe sex comes before love. You fail to see that sex is not love and love is not sex. You’re after love but fail to see there can be no love without friendship. A man who’s just after sex isn’t a friend. The greatest thing a couple can share isn’t sex. It’s friendship.

4. You think a man’s love will replace the love you don’t have for yourself.

You’ve bought into the old lie, “You’re nobody till some body loves you.” But you fail to see that you’re already loved and that the love you have for yourself is the foundation upon which a man will build his love for you. You have to bring love if you want to receive love. A man will treat you based on how he sees you treating yourself. If you’re not good to you, neither will he. A well is the only place you can go with an empty pail and come out with water. In life and love, you have to bring love to receive love. You can’t love him if you don’t love yourself, and he’ll never love you if you can’t love yourself.

5. You live in the past.

You pay rent to the past because that’s where you live. You’re comparing every guy you meet to your ex because he was perfect and no one can measure up. You go after guys who remind you of your ex, only to realize they’re not him. You don’t give yourself the opportunity to get to know another guy because you’re too busy making false comparisons. You’re so stuck in the past because everything great that has ever happened to you happened there. How can you enjoy a new experience when you’re busy holding on to the false utopia of the past or trying to recreate it? If you want to love again, you have to embrace hope. Hope means letting go of the past and embracing the endless possibilities of now.