Anyone who knows me knows that I love people. I always try to look at the bright side of folks even when they’re showing me their dark side. I believe we’re all inherently good people still trying to find our ultimate higher self. Some of us are more prone to treat others with the same humanity, respect and courtesy we expect from others; while others believe people are just doormats to be walked over, pissed on or just merely props to be pushed around at will. Anyway, instead of spending countless hours ranting about them on Twitter (though they’re not following you) or publicly cussing them out on Facebook (though they’re not your Facebook friend), just pray for them. For those offended by my use of “asshole,” until the dictionary comes up another word for someone who pisses on others for his or her own self-gratification or to get ahead, we’re stuck with asshole. Stop being frustrated and complaining about these skilled assholes. Instead, calm down apply one or all of the following five prayers for the assholes in your world.
Pray They Can See Themselves
Assholes are always the last to know they’re assholes. Pray that with some divine intervention, inspiration or a verbal lashing, they’ll see what an absolute butt cheek they’re being. To further help this prayer, secretly videotape them during one of their great obnoxious mega asshole moments. Play it back for them. If they still can’t see themselves, then find someone who’s skilled with exorcism cuz this person is asshole possessed.
Pray They Get Help
Like crack, being an asshole is an addiction. Instead of dreaming of kicking this person down 3,500 steps, help the asshole in your world find an appropriate 12 step program. Tell him he can longer continue to disrespect, disregard and dismiss those in his life or else, like a crack addict, he could find himself in a ditch in the middle of China Town.
Pray They Go Away
Never pray for anyone to be killed or maimed. After exercising respect and restraint, pray that they go away to another workplace, neighborhood, and family Plus Afghanistan is lovely this time of year.
Pray They Meet Someone Like Them
Nothing annoys an asshole more than another asshole. They can’t stand it when they meet someone who acts just like them. So if you know one asshole, introduce them to the other asshole. They’ll either see the error of their ways and change or fall in love and create little assholes.
Pray That God Helps You
Sometimes assholes come into our lives to help us become better people. They test our patience, our faith in humanity, and our liberty to not end up behind bars. They help us strengthen our love muscle. How we respond to them says more about us than who they are. The goal is to get better as a person and not to become them or take on their nature. There’s nothing worse than becoming the asshole you detest.