The end of the month is here. You know, that time of the month when the world is no longer round but flat. When people are not humans but mosquitoes, flies buzzing on our expired nerves. During these final four days of the month, we’re not totally ourselves. So to avoid doing and saying things you’ ll regret on the fifth day, check out five things you should never do while on your period.
1. Don’t Make any commitments or promises
At this time, your judgement is a bit clouded, temporarily impaired. You’d marry a snickers bar if it had lips and asked. Your word is no good at this time. You would say anything to get folks out of your face or get your hands on some chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips and chocolate sauce in a chocolate cone.
2. Don’t babysit
If you can’t be trusted with chocolate, how much more children and their relentless need to demand what they want at the most inopportune time. A child’s whining may send you over the edge, especially if you’re all out of Benadryl and duck tape.
3. Don’t attend counseling sessions
Your truth at this time is a bit tainted with the moving of your uterus and the pain it brings. Avoid any therapy unless it’s retail.
4. Don’t attend family reunion
This time of the month, your patience is minimized, while the stupidity of your family members is maximized. There’s nothing holding you back from telling your third cousin exactly what you think of her and her first two husbands. What good would that bring? Plus why be the source of family drama.
5. Don’t go grocery shopping
…Unless you plan on eating chocolate and french vanilla ice cream for an entire week.